Whenever people get together and operate as groups, they make agreements, whether actually stated or not, regarding what is right and what is wrong, what is moral and what is immoral—in other words, what will be contributive to survival and what will be destructive of survival. This is a moral code—a series of agreements to which a person has subscribed to guarantee the survival of the group. It doesn’t matter what the size of the group is—whether it is a group of two people forming a marriage or a whole nation being formed—they enter into certain agreements.
When one or the other of the partners in a relationship or a marriage transgresses against the agreed-upon moral code, he or she often feels that he cannot tell the other about it. But these
An unspoken, unannounced transgression against a moral code by which the person is bound is called a
These transgressions are the degree that a person has separated himself from free
A marriage which has broken down into a super-separateness of overt acts and withholds is almost impossible to put back together by just postulating it into existence. After people have separated themselves out from each other, they have to “un-separate” themselves again.
Some who get married may think the way this is supposed to go is: on some bright June day this handsome
They have to find out how they look before breakfast. This arrangement has more to do with cosmetics and razor blades than anything else. They have to learn to live with each other if they can. And to some degree, they have wiped out, more or less by the act of getting married, what they were doing before that and they start from there.
What happens from there on
out is what counts. But sometimes things they have done before, which
they are violently withholding from each other, don’t even let the
marriage get started and forty-eight hours later their marriage is
But even that one can be salvaged.
In a marriage which has ground on for years and years, overt acts and withholds can mount up until the partners “grow apart.” It’s considered to be traditional that at the end of three years, husbands and wives don’t get any “kick” out of each other. This is sort of textbook and “all the psychologists know it,” but they don’t know why. It’s the overt acts and withholds.
If at the end of three years this is the case, how about at the end of ten? By that time, many couples have just learned to endure. They are both in propitiation—a state of trying to appease each other or reduce the anger of each other. They are getting along somehow and they would rather have it that way than some other way; they would rather be married than not and they think they’re making it okay. They don’t think too much about the girl or the guy they should have married instead anymore. It’s going along somehow.
Now into that relationship we can introduce one of the most startling assaults: we can clear up the marriage!
All a divorce is, or all an inclination or withdrawal is, is simply too many overts and withholds against the marital partner. It’s as uncomplicated as that.
When a marital partner is straining and
wanting to leave and saying, “I ought to go” or “I ought not to stay” or
“I ought to do something else” or “We ought to split up” or “I’d be
much better off if we hadn’t,” all of those
Actually, the basic reason a person does this is that he’s trying to protect the other partner from his own viciousness. So he says, “Well, I’d better leave,” “We’d better break it up” or “We should cool it off.” And that’s usually the gradual approach of a marriage breakup—“Cool it off,” “I ought to leave,” “We should part.” But we can take these things now and “uncool” them off.
Probably while you’re trying to clean up a marriage between a couple, they will undoubtedly decide that it’s all over and there’s no reason to go on with it because one couldn’t possibly.... The thing that saves the day each time is to get each to remember what he himself or she herself did. If they just keep that thought firmly in mind, it will come through to a perfect completion.
acts which violate laws or moral codes.
Scientology is a practical religion dealing with the study of knowledge, which through application of its technology can bring about desirable changes in the conditions of life. It was developed over a third of a century by L. Ron Hubbard. The term Scientology is taken from the Latin word scio (knowing, in the fullest meaning of the word) and the Greek word logos (study of). Scientology is further defined as the study and handling of the spirit in relationship to itself, universes and other life.
a harmful act or a transgression against the moral code of a group. An overt act is not just injuring someone or something, it is an act of omission or commission which does the least good for the least number of people or areas of life, or the most harm to the greatest number of people or areas of life.
an unspoken, unannounced transgression against a moral code by which a person is bound; an overt act that a person committed that he or she is not talking about. Any withhold comes after an overt act.
an interchange of ideas across space between two individuals.
someone viewed as strong, tough or the like.
in great difficulties and likely to fail. This term originates from the nautical sense: a vessel that is on the rocks will quickly go to pieces unless floated or pulled off them.
the reasoning or principle that underlies or explains a particular course of action, or a statement setting out these reasons or principles.